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Leave it to a late night talk show host to perfectly illustrate the confusion with the Affordable Care Act. Hint: They’re the same thing.

Moving HouseFUN FACT: Studies say that up to 40% of young, college graduates are re-nesting with Mama and Papa Bird.  If you’re one of these chicks, I want to tell you something…

Let me start by saying, oh, my sweet, precious newly degreed babies… Uncle Benny  knows your pain.  It is the first of life’s cruel tricks that after thousands of hours of binge drinking studious scholarship and self-growth, there is no Fortune 500 CEO position and penthouse apartment waiting for you.

I spent literally pairs of years suffering under the yoke of being a grown(ish) man dwelling in my Mama’s rec-room.  But here’s what I learned: being a barista builds character, chances are your parents hate the idea of you living at home just as much as you do, and, finally, it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

How much worse?  Let’s it this way: just when you manage to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, get your first big break and start thinking about moving out, the bills come calling.  Oh, the tales I could tell you about naive hillbilly-cum-organized crime boss, Sallie Mae!  But before I drive you into the depths of despair, I’d like to give you a silver lining: health insurance.

Thanks to healthcare reform, you don’t have to dwell in a netherworld of pseudo-homelessness and health liability.  Why?

1. You can now stay on your parents’ insurance policy until you’re 26. 

That’s right!  Two more years of sweet, free health insurance.  And now your insurance covers a lot more at no cost, including annual physicals.  (So gentlemen, work on your turn-and-cough face.)

2. If you have to buy your own insurance, chances are you qualify for a break on your premium.

Your premium is how much you pay for insurance, and many people qualify for help paying it.  Clerking the mail room or flipping burgers (like a boss)?  You might qualify for a $0 premium, which means your health insurance would be free as the wind.

When it’s time to buy, you’ve got one place to shop: www.thehealthinsurist.com.  Insurance is a necessary evil, but a pushy, annoying agent isn’t.  Mindy and her team will help you find the right coverage at the right cost.

My only other advice is to enjoy partying while you can.  Because one day, when you can afford fancy top-shelf alcohol, your body will betray you by denying you the pain-free buzz you’re enjoying now in the glory days of youth.

Finally, I’d like to say that you kids have it easy with your fancy new laws and your monster.com.  In my day, we were kicked off our parents’ insurance at 21, walked 10 miles in the snow for the privilege of putting our resumes in the mailbox.  With stamps.  Stamps!  Now it’s all done in electric mail.  What’s this world coming to?  Have you seen my teeth?

At the risk of telling you what you already know, there is a freaking lot to know about health care reform.  The law itself is some 900 pages long, and the regulations surrounding it run into the thousands of pages.

Why, if pages were crows, the Affordable Care Act would be a murder!  (Rimshot, weak laughter.  Don’t judge me — making health insurance funny is hard.)

So as much as I’d like to regale you with the finer points of transitional reinsurance fees and adjusted risk pools, I think it would literally bore us both to death.  So in the interest of staying alive and giving you something you can use, I herewith present The Simplest Guide to Health Care Reform You’ll Ever Read. Ever:

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Here are some dates you need to know:

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**Here’s that link to the Kaiser Family Foundation subsidy calculator…http://kff.org/interactive/subsidy-calculator/…a great resource for all of your reform needs.

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